Gandalph, Author at

Jenny, I love you

A small dedication to my beautiful neighbour. I just love you so much!

Be careful with Pirate Nosey, she’s had a rough time at sea and isn’t takin’ prisoners – aaaargh!! She’ll wake you up in the morn’n and threaten pregnant women and unborn infants… She has a wooden leg, a dud eye and balls of steel – aaaaargh!!! Oh, and her Parrot “Boof Boof” – he gets a good scratch from time to time.

It’s Parrot scratchin’ time – aaaargh!!!

Nosey’s famous phrases

One of my favourite neighbours of all times is Nosey. She is such a blast! There is no filter between her brain and mouth, and all that comes out is pure shite. These sketches summarise her stupidity.

Wake ya up in the morn'n — Wake ya up in the morn’n

Starving Hyenas – all we got is sausages

Nosey loves toiletries - Ambi Purr — Nosey loves toiletries – Ambi Purr

QCAT Rejects

Back in 2011, a short while after we realised Knobby was not a nice person, we decided to increase the height of the fence and also extend it to the front of the property. I sent the following letter to Knobby:

His response was as follows:

After the work was completed, with no financial or labour assistance from Knobby, we received the below letter – which resulted in a QCAT visit.

To cut a long story short, Knobby and his mum Nosey were ridiculed at the Tribunal. All of their requests were rejected and the judicator advised Knobby and his mum to “Not turn my Tribunal into a Circus”.

Here is a sketch that summarises the event.

Barkey the barking (and also pooping) dog

Who let the dogs out??!!

I have these other awesome neighbours that used to open their electric gate and let their dog out regularly. I called it “unsupervised peeing and pooping”. Here are some photos of Barkey just roaming the street – having a jolly good time, shitting on the neighbour’s grass. This went on for years.

But Barkey’s owners have since stopped letting him out. These days he is just famous for barking at everything and anything that comes near the gate. He just barks and barks and barks and barks – and the owners don’t seem to give two shits.

Is it just me or people really don’t have any respect for others these days? I spoke to them on a few occasions and explained the problem but they quickly got upset and on the defensive.

Dopey

I am truly blessed to have neighbours who keep a watchful eye on my property. This ritual went on for quite some time until he passed away that night. We even had the pleasure of having some of his dog’s shit placed under the car door handle. Thanks Dopey! You were a top bloke.

Poopy the pooping dog

It was a beautiful day in Queensland. The birds were chirping, the rainbows were glowing and the grass was lush and green. Until… Poopy the pooping dog arrived and made its mark.

Thank you Dear Neighbours! You are absolutely awesome!

Bamboo and Welding flashes…

Unfortunately, there is no cure for dumb.

The following scans are of a letter I received from my dear neighbours in early 2015. They complained about the lack of light to their premises due to the bamboo.

The very next day, I received the following letter from Queensland Justice Department (WOH&S) that a complaint had been raised about welding flashes from my residence.

On one hand, there is no light getting through because of the bamboo, while on the other hand the welding flashes are causing a disturbance?

You just have to laugh at the stupidity we have to deal with sometimes.